Well today’s been one of those massive up and down days. It started off when I received an invoice from North Lanarkshire council stating that we (Lanarkshire Gamers) owed them payments for a hall that we had cancelled months ago. They were adamant that we didn’t tell them it was cancelled – thankfully I found he paper trail and forwarded it to them otherwise we, a voluntary club run by its members, would be in debt on my account. No pressure man!

I called Strathclyde University for, if I’m not mistaken, the 13th time since last week and finally got the confirmation to move on as they ran out of spaces for the PGDE Secondary School English course. They cheerfully informed me that I could apply again next year though…

Then there was the 2 hour walk and back to the credit union to get a loan to try and pay for driving lessons which is a massive barrier to me getting a full time job that isn’t in a Call Centre. It was nice because I managed to think up some ideas for poems and went through the motions of some questions I might get asked before the interview and ran them through in my head. Exercise generally wears you down and gets al that creative stuff that you don’t get time to think about out. Unfortunately I didn’t write any of it down.

And of course that was followed by the 15 minute telephone interview, the one I talked about on Facebook, which was the most intense, yet friendly interview I’ve had to date with someone who is practically a local celebrity. Then I went and fucked it up, not by disclosing that I couldn’t drive yet but was taking every painstaking measure to do so without having any budget, but by answering the question, “Why didn’t you pursue your marketing career?” by prefacing it with “Good question, I don’t want to take up too much of your time by giving you my entire life story but [I’m going to take a tone that suggests I can’t be bothered answering questions on a job interview].” WHAT A FUCKING DICK I AM.

Any way. It’s over. I tried and I am now through the stage of wanting to crawl into a hole in the ground. Again. Somehow.

There are days when I blame other people – “Why can no one on my Facebook help with this shit?” There are days when I blame my circumstances – “Fuck my family, why did they not prepare me for this? Why did they mostly turn out to be proper bastards in general?” Anger gets you through those days.  The worst ones are the days you can only blame yourself. Today is one of those days.

Rant over: it’s time to write up some vampire downtime. The fact that I’m ranting on a blog is a sign of how bad things have become. I’m not even in the mood to do any more job applications, which frankly has become a way of life. But what else can I do?  Extreme solutions have come to mind but really all I want is stability and extreme doesn’t get you that.

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